“I wanna get fucked in the back seat of my car."
Those words were magical (yeah, I said it) as they came pouring into my ears at age fifteen through my Walkman. And I didn’t even drive or fuck at that time! After hearing something this amazing, I just had to go see them open for Soul Asylum in a couple of days. Two songs, instruments thrown down, and off the stage they went! And so my love affair with The Dwarves began.
Blood Guts & Pussy: Exactly what do you make of a title like that, and can you even begin to imagine what would come out of such fine fellows who would name an album that? Pure genius is what I think! I compare it to a horror movie when it comes to the timing: anything over an hour and a half is shit.
With just over thirteen minutes, you get right to the point. All fucking around here, literally! “Motherfucker” gives tribute (you can say) to The Trashmen’s "Surfin’ Bird' ("What’s the word?/I’m a motherfucker/Papa-ooma-mow-mow").
Does anyone remember Rhonda's "Up All Night" on the weekends on USA? That's when they would play the “Drug Store” video flashing different drugs and crowd shots for one of your more memorable tunes, 'cause it’s slow enough for you to understand what Blag’s saying.
Nothing before this could compare to The Dwarves. You may claim punk rock ’77 and the Sex Pistols and blah blah blah….But this was different. With the album cover of bloodied, naked women and midgets, they had come to take those three chords of punk and crank them up. With drums pounding with a purpose to destroy. With simple guitar riffs to make you need that drug that was The Dwarves. With words that you would never utter in front of your mother. Summoning tales of drugs, sex, STDs, nuns, girls, and don’t forget about Astroboy! It was their credo: Fuck you up and get high!
Blag Dhalia is quite possibly one of the best front men in the business. Not a large man, but he will beat the crap out of anyone who dares challenge him. His always sidekick, Hewhocannotbenamed, adorned in jock-strap and wrestling mask, provides powerful stage presence without ever speaking a word by just showing you his ball sack! However, under that mask lies a professor who happens to be rather laid back. Yeah, Hewho, I just blew your cover!
This is pure-on hate fuck rock-n-roll! The kind where you would walk out of the show bleeding, bruised, and exhilarated! Listening to it now while writing this makes me want to go outside and punch one of the hipsters outside my house in the face! In my pajamas, no less! At thirty-four, it still instills the same feelings that it did when I was fifteen. I guess I never grew up, or this album is just that great. This is why I will always love you, Blag! My Dwarves tattoo is my testament to why I refuse to grow up and will always be right up front, yelling every word right along with you!
-Angie Granado-Wehrle
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